It usually comes on me like a deep sadness and an oncoming hunger. I think first that I should eat or try to relax. Eating is unsatisfying and I can't relax. I am slightly agitated. Neither television, radio, nor the internet can divert my attention from the empty gnawing feeling in my gut, can lighten the heaviness in my heart, or cleanse the stickiness in my throat and mouth which will not easily agree to utter any words unless they are words of prayer.
When I do yield and pray, I feel sorrows and happiness and I see things that were, never were, will be, may never be, and things that are just underneath the apparent. I become content. I feel the indentation in my soul. I know I am being marked for something. I believe that it meant something. I wait actively, trusting, hoping, quietly. I am dependent.
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