multigenerational family and friends

I'm in NY with my parents, my brother and his fam, and a bunch of cousins and old family friends for the holiday weekend. I know I've posted about this before, but it is great to spend time with people that have known you and a couple of generations of your family all of your life, care about you, and feel like they have some stake in your life.

I don't know exactly how to quantify the benefits of this, but they are huge. It's like an underground kindness/community economy. People trade time spent looking after each others kids in lieu of daycare, laughing with family and friends instead of therapy, and family favors for financial support. You yield a certain measure of control over your time, money, and privacy, but you as long as you don't feel that you're giving more than you get, it works.

I'm sitting in the house I grew up in and I'm sleeping in the same bedroom I had when I was 5. A number of the neighbors have lived here for the past 40 years. Parents have passed away and their kids have taken over the homes. That is amazing to me. I wonder if I'd love it so much if I actually lived here. The tough thing about being together with people for decades is that you may end up having a few decades-long disagreements and contentions. It requires greater relational skill and dexterity to avoid being entangled in other people's offenses than is the case where the neighborhood turns over every 5-10 years.

The funny thing is that I didn't even want to come to NY this holiday. Sometimes, I have the most fun doing things that I didn't want to do.